Even in the Accidents

Abigail has probably needed doctors more than all my other kids put together. Once again, last night we were taking her down to meet the doctor in the doctors office after hours. She burnt her leg with hot tea and now has a huge bandage covering most of her upper left leg. The doctor said it should heal well in about 2 weeks but we will need to come in every few days for dressing changes. Abigail was a trooper. After utilizing my, too frequently used, skills of self-persecution and determining  that shy of denying hot beverage consumption till, say, 18. I couldnt have done anything to prevent this. I was OK too.
Almost 2 years ago she was diagnosed with type I diabetes. Once again, without complaining she learned to care for herself with her new lifelong companion (i.e. daily injections, glucose monitoring and diet). She only cried once, a week after diagnosis, as the reality of this disease sunk in. The strange thing is that her most glaring gifts seem to be joy and compassion. It is like God is aware of this and he is fine-tuning and deepening them by allowing these things that I think if I was good enough I could keep from my child. The guilt I felt when she was diagnosed with diabetes was horrible. I hadn't prayed hard enough. My faith wasn't strong enough. I'm not good enough of a mom. And yet, when I am wise enough or just plain tired enough to stop and look I see God. He wants joy that can tough out the storm. He wants compassion that knows about pain. As much as I may hate it he knows what is best even if it means the very thing I would try to avoid. 

Thank you for giving me a reason for writing this as it has helped me process it and see God where he has seemed absent.

Comments

[Brenda]

Very well put. Thanks for sharing a mother's pain for the desire to spare a child pain.
Brenda

[Deb]

I began reading your blog a couple weeks ago. I am a young mom of four kids and I wanted to say that your honesty is so refreshing! So much of what you say is such an encouragement to me. I just wanted to thank you!

Blessings-
Deb