Since me and Andrew have first met we have been living in community most of the time. We got to know each other living on a ship with about 130 other people. We have lived together in community as singles, young marrieds and parents, with christians and non-christians, in houses and on the road (i.e. picture, living with Derek in the motorhome, those are andrews legs in the background as he is working on getting the motorhome back on the road). It is not easy but we actually prefer it. The hardest is probably living in community as a family but I think it also has the greatest blessings. Here are some practical thoughts on living in community as a family.
It is important to be honest with them and with yourself about what you want and expect from a community, and what you bring into the group. Example: Me and Andrew love to help those who need help. If someone needs a bed, meal, shower, coat, talk we like to do what we can. I tend towards getting used up by this and am very thankful to Andrew who has helped me put up boundaries so I don't get burnt out and am more available for the long haul. Anyway, helping people seems great doesn't it. Well, it also means invasion of privacy for our housemates. Time to communicate.
Our family is big, not just in numbers but in energy. People kindly say "we fill the space". This can be good and bad, especially when our housemates are introverts. Time to communicate.
Families need to maintain a family identity separate from the community. We don't need to get wierd about this but we communicate with the rest of the community that there will be times to pull away to touch base as family. When living with alot of people it was good to get a weekly family ritual (an evening away, a breakfast in our room). Families seem to bring a sense of all being a family together into a community. Kids make things real. As you step into living in community with kids you are more exposed than the singles are. This spreads, those without kids will get more real too, it can't be helped it is what kids bring in. Time to communicate.
There are other voices speaking into your kids. I love this. It can also be hard but by far one of the greatest blessings with living in community. We have found that those in our community will be able to identify areas that our kids are gifted in, and will begin to nurture our children in areas that we will tend to overlook. So many examples of this. I am so greatful for the community that we have lived with and visit with that speak into my children. We are all much richer for it but need to be clear on boundaries. Time to communicate.
I feel love for and family with all those we have lived with. I have felt such love, experienced such hurt, had my eyes opened to so much and my family has been transformed by our community-family.
This is great stuff,thanks
its a real insight into the workings of genuine community, and from a position as far removed as my own (eg. being a mum of a large family) and me being a single student.
Still this is a sharing of knowledge for which I am grateful
Posted by: Liam | May 25, 2005 at 01:18 AM
Girl, this was much needed to hear, thanks for a generous tidbit of preparation. Scott and I hope community living is in our future...
Posted by: heather miller | May 25, 2005 at 01:39 AM
Thanks for the wisdom and insight. Kristen and i (along with Heather -- who beat me to the comment) are hoping to live in community in the near future. For obvious reasons having a family or multiple families living together with singles can be very challenging -- but we are encouraged by you and yours as we journey forward.
Posted by: Joshua Rudd | May 25, 2005 at 03:42 AM
Heather, Scotty, Kristen and Joshua, You all moving in together? Good on ya. May you be family together. May you all have insight into each others hearts. May you be honest with yourselves and each other. May you be blessings to each other daily. May God be in and among your community.
Posted by: Debbie | May 25, 2005 at 05:50 PM
Thanks! That is our hope. We are hoping a certain space we are looking at would work out. It would take a miracle -- but those are known to happen.
Posted by: Joshua Rudd | May 26, 2005 at 02:17 AM
Yeah....miracle......cheers to God and His rockin' miracles! Even without a well seen miracle, its still a miracle for us to be joined already. Thanks debbie for the encouragement.
Posted by: heather miller | May 26, 2005 at 09:07 AM